September 18th, 2016

STRANGE SHORE: Roma, as well as Spiaggia della Feniglia & the outskirts of Capalbio in Tuscany

SUNDRY LAND: Italy

WANDERING WAY: Observations about Italy, a Tuscan beach, and Il Giardino dei Tarocchi

Buongiorno amici miei! The wait is over! After a week of almost incredible merrymaking with my darling cousin (cugina) Elizabeth, I’ve returned to relate tales of our adventures in Italy! Fantastico!!!

As anyone who’s read multiple travelogues by Bill Bryson knows (https://www.amazon.com/Bill-Bryson/e/B000APXTVM/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1474217027&sr=8-2-ent), traveling alone is rather different from traveling with a friend. On any long journey, it’s best to combine alone-time with friend-time to get the very most out of an extended sojourn, in my opinion. (In other words, behave like Bill Bryson.)

As an analogy, imagine taking a long drive on the open road. Are you there? Imagine miles and miles of beautiful country whizzing by as you lean behind the wheel of a cherry-red Alfa Romeo with the wind breezing through your hair. On this refreshing drive, traveling alone is rather like listening to your favorite albums in their entirety – you select the playlist; you call the tunes. Whereas traveling with a friend is like listening to the radio. Of course there’s great satisfaction in listening to your favorite pieces of music or audiobooks, but the NPR lovers out there will understand the welcome surprises that grace a ride when an intelligent deejay picks out beautiful music that you would’ve never, ever encountered otherwise. Traveling solo or traveling with a cherished friend are rewarding experiences for different reasons; on any long drive, it’s best to mix it up!

So, having Elizabeth as a traveling companion was rather like having a sympathetic and inventive NPR deejay select special-programming for an audience of two (herself & me); consequently, my enjoyable journey took several wonderfully surprising turns, which would’ve never ever occurred if I’d only been traveling solo. 

More particularly, there's no way that I would've spent a beach day in Tuscany at Spiaggia della Feniglia (https://www.tripadvisor.com/Attraction_Review-g194839-d2304221-Reviews-La_Feniglia-Orbetello_Province_of_Grosseto_Tuscany.html) or gazed upon Niki de Saint Phalle's Tarot Garden (Giardino dei Tarocchi: http://ilgiardinodeitarocchi.it/en/). I didn't even know that these places EXISTED before Elizabeth suggested we take a day trip! And even if I'd known of their existence, renting a stick-shift vehicle in Italy is quite beyond my vehicular capacities. I'm a rather skittish driver, which is to say, a total chicken behind the wheel.

Not Elizabeth! Quite early in the ride, Elizabeth asked me to convert kmph to mph to see how fast we were going. I said, "Oh sure!," but I was a little surprised at the request -- it SEEMED like we were going pretty slowly, especially compared to the surrounding traffic... In fact, we were going 75mph. That's when I realized that ALL of the Italian drivers were zipping by us at approximately 95-100mph (if not faster). We never saw a police officer, which makes me fairly confident that the understood (yet unstated/unadvertised/unsignalled) speed limit of 130kmph/80mph simply isn't enforced. None of these speedy circumstances even phased my stalwart cousin. 

Elizabeth hit the gas, but it was still as if we were riding an X-34 landspeeder on Tatooine while the Italians were warping through hyperspace in X-wing starfighters, TIE oppressors, and (most especially) Millennium Falcons going "Yee haw!" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3eLi8wCxFo)".  

Elizabeth and I might've wanted to make the jump and transmogrify into Han Solo (her) and Chewbacca (me) to join these freewheeling Italian star-pilots, but we decided it might be safer to stay on Tatooine until we learned the true ways of the Italian FORCE. Where's Obi-Wan Kenobi when you need him?

(Side note: The Italian version of Obi Wan Kenobi would've definitely been played by Marcello Mastroianni: https://m2m.tv/watch/marcello-mastroianni/iconic.)

This road-trip experience has taught me something interesting about Italian priorities. While Italians are more than content to spend decades perfecting a pasta recipe, developing a vineyard, sitting over a meal, or sipping limoncello,* they drive so fast that you'd think they were the most time-conscious people on earth. In short, Italians are really, really cool. They love dining, drinking, and speeding. I just hope they don't attempt the activities in that order.

(*Okay, meals only last 3ish hours, but they do sometimes feel decade-length, particularly if you have anything on your agenda after lunch. I'm not certain if the full meaning of the word "agenda" truly translates into Italian.) 

Before I leave the topic of driving with Elizabeth, let me just say that she's a confident, stylish, and (yes Mom) safe driver in the tradition of Steve McQueen in Bullitt.

She managed to upgrade our Volkswagen (ugh) using her impish grin, effervescent American charm, and radiant beauty...to a flippin' Alfa Romeo, the zippiest little car ever engineered by Italians. Ferraris and Lamborghinis be damned - if you want a really good time, get an Alfa. (Cars and men are alike in this respect. Ha.)

Elizabeth managed the clutch and stick like a goddamned pro. So if you're imagining Elizabeth and Sharon hurtling through a hilly Tuscan countryside dotted with vineyards and puffy clouds whilst playing jumpy jazz on the radio as the sun shines off our cool shades, your imagination is absolutely accurate. That's what happened - this is life in Italia.

All of which has inspired a brilliant idea! Since it's becoming ever clearer that Elizabeth absolutely requires an Alfa Romeo in her daily life, how about organizing a Kickstarter campaign to get her one? Before you roll your eyes, hear me out for a minute:

1. If we crowdsource an Alfa Romeo for Elizabeth, she and I will be able to go on more glamorous adventures throughout the United States, hence extending the life of "Strange and Sundry." She will drive and make contributions to day-trip itineraries, and I will contribute my customary witty reportage.

2. If we crowdsource an Alfa Romeo for Elizabeth, she might teach *me* how to drive stick-shift, which will enable me to rent cars in Europe & plan even more ambitious itineraries for future installments of "Strange and Sundry."

3. If we crowdsource an Alfa Romeo for Elizabeth, the tales of our many adventures will fulfill ALL of your entertainment needs for innumerable years in the future, and you'll save incalculable amounts of money in Netflix memberships, movie tickets, and book purchases. With "Strange and Sundry" running in "Top Gear," you won't need to fret about being bored EVER AGAIN.

4. If we crowdsource an Alfa Romeo for Elizabeth, you needn't worry about your hard-earned dollars going to an unworthy cause. Between the two of us, Elizabeth and I have nearly SIXTY-EIGHT years of experience in having fun. Your contribution will fund all sorts of intriguing and merry hijinx for YOUR entertainment! It'll be like watching Shaggy (Elizabeth) and Scooby-Doo (me) without all the lame ghosts. It'll be like watching Thelma (Elizabeth) and Louise (me) without the bummer ending. It'll be the BEST BUDDY MOVIE EVER CONCEIVED BY MANKIND.

5. If we crowdsource an Alfa Romeo for Elizabeth, Hollywood will inevitably come calling to shoot a major studio blockbuster starring Marion Cotillard (playing Elizabeth)

and Rebecca Hall (playing me),

in which two fabulous cousins get into all sorts of almost-unbelievable adventures in their Alfa Romeo, and it will inevitably make millions and millions and millions of dollars because everyone in the world will come to the inevitable conclusion that the tale of two women tooling around in an Alfa Romeo is a story for the ages, much like the adventures of Don Quixote (Elizabeth) and Sancho Panza (me). You may be sure that when this inevitable realization takes place, Elizabeth and I will be certain to share a percentage (to be negotiated) of the royalties with you, our early (and amazingly prescient) crowdsourcing contributors. You're welcome!

So really. Think about it! Inaugurate the "BUY ELIZABETH MACLENNAN AN ALFO ROMEO" Kickstarter campaign! Am I a brainiac or what? For interested parties, we'd like one in red...or at least I would: (https://www.alfaromeousa.com). Ha! 

In conclusion, many thanks to Elizabeth for the ride! She keeps thanking me for inviting her to Italy, and I keep thanking her for flying all the way to Italy to hang out and eat pasta. Since we’re both in earnest, we might eventually come to blows over who’s more grateful to the other. Ah, famiglia!

Spiaggia della Feniglia, Tuscany

As a creature of the night, I avoid beaches much as I avoid putting my hand directly on a red-hot oven burner. That said, I do hear the call of the sea, and Mediterranean waves susurrate with a siren song that allures even the fairest vampires to sizzling sands.

Despite my prudent qualms about setting foot "Under the Tuscan Sun"(http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0328589/), I needn’t have worried. Italians take beach-going very seriously, displaying efficiency undetectable in other aspects of the culture. In Italy, you may never figure out the postal service; you may never leave a restaurant in under four hours; you may never understand various “tourist taxes”; you may never comprehend highway signage; but you will have an easy day at the beach. Towels are available; changing rooms are available; showers are available; comfortable lounge chairs are available; giant umbrellas are available; handsome life guards stand at the ready; swimsuits are for sale. On an Italian beach, there’s no reason that a single sunbeam should touch your tender flesh if you don’t wish it. Other than a dip into those delicious aquamarine waters, I stayed in the safe zone under my beach umbrella sifting perfect grains of sand between my toes. Highly recommended!

As I sighed in complete contentment while thinking about the fresh pasta and clams on offer for lunch at the little beach-side café, I also prepared myself for the psychedelic experience of visiting Niki de Saint Phalle’s Il Giardino dei Tarocchi (or The Tarot Garden). Before you read any further, please glance over this recent New Yorker article by Ariel Levy for more information on the artist: http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/04/18/niki-de-saint-phalles-tarot-garden.

Done reading? Impressive, huh! I couldn’t believe the dogged determination of this gutsy, crazy, trailblazing woman to fabricate a sculpture garden (complete with a habitable Sphinx) in the middle of Tuscany, where the artist lived, entertained, created, and promoted the cause of women visionaries everywhere. For those hesitant to wade into the lengthy depths of the New Yorker, here are my two favorite quotes describing Saint Phalle:

1. “It [Il Giardino dei Tarocchi] would be in the fanciful style of Antoni Gaudí’s Park Güell, in Barcelona, but each structure would represent a mystical figure from the tarot deck. She would create an alternate reality—‘a sort of joyland,’ she once said, ‘where you could have a new kind of life that would just be free.’”

AND

2. “Niki de Saint Phalle was captivated by liberation. ‘Men’s roles seem to give them a great deal more freedom,' she wrote to a friend, 'and I WAS RESOLVED THAT FREEDOM WOULD BE MINE.’”

Encouraged by these cris-de-couer, I wriggled my sand-covered toes in anticipation of the joy, freedom, and liberation that soon would be mine.

Il Giardino dei Tarocchi

Despite its perfectly accurate descriptions of the freedom and joy suffusing this monument to one brilliant woman’s creative spark, the New Yorker left me totally unprepared. The massive scale of these sculptures is a sight to behold, and there’s no way that I can capture the transcendent experience of watching the gloaming light of dusk reflect off the mirrored mosaics in a thousand different colors.

The garden is exquisite in its loving craftsmanship and scope, and visitors gape, only barely managing to keep hold of their cameras to take infinite snaps of its photogenic spectra. It’s a work of genius.

Humor, heart, whimsy, wonder, pain, fear, and faith flood your vision as you wander around the winding paths that chart the major arcana of the tarot, each biographical signposts from Niki de Saint Phalle’s fascinating life. For example, here’s a photograph of Elizabeth in front of the centerpiece, “The High Priestess.”

In attempting to verbalize the impact of this bizarre, blue, and breathtaking fountain, the catalogue explains that the burbling face “symbolizes the Woman, priestess or even goddess, holding all the secrets of the world. For Niki de Saint Phalle, the card of the High Priestess represents the feminine principle of intuition, ‘the irrational unconscious with all its potential.’” The artist’s account of “the irrational unconscious” gestures towards the mystifying emotional impact of the garden, which is difficult to describe or explain away. I have no doubt that the infinite rays of refracted light bouncing, shining, and sparkling through the sculptures’ curves and crannies affect individuals with unique impressions and perceptions – the sensory overload must energize “potential,” as Saint Phalle hoped. 

For my own part, I feel elated and overcome that my own road led to these fanciful environs, and I’m particularly grateful that I made the journey in an Alfa Romeo with Elizabeth.

That’s all for now, but I promise that I’ll be reviewing some Caravaggio paintings on the next “Strange and Sundry.” Arrivederci!