Strange and Sundry: Travelogue Blog: October 6th, 2016

STRANGE SHORE: Rome, London, Madrid, Toledo, and Dublin

SUNDRY LAND: Italy, United Kingdom, Spain, and The Republic of Ireland

WANDERING WAY: A Whirlwind Tour! The Vatican! Five Plays in London! Art in Spain! The Dublin Theatre Festival!

Phew! Four European capitals in seventeen days! Today, I fly back to good ol’ New York City after more than three months abroad. My feelings are mixed: while I would definitely prefer to stay in Europe, I am looking forward to seeing my wonderful friends, saving huge amounts of money on international phone calls to my beloved family, and avoiding leers from surly immigration officers WHO DETEST WRITERS MORE THAN THE BUBONIC PLAGUE.

Yes, flying home is a mixed bag at best, particularly since I’m exchanging Dublin’s gorgeous autumnal weather for Hurricane Matthew that’s about to rampage through the East Coast. Well, of course. It wouldn’t be NYC if there weren’t a hurricane (and possibly a punch in the face) to welcome me home. I just hope that the rumors of the hurricane-bred SUPER RATS don’t come true this year…(http://www.metro.us/local/did-superstorm-sandy-create-new-super-rats-in-new-york-city-metro/tmWnbf---c8sSX0fb4RJZo/).

Given that there hasn’t been a single day when I haven’t visited a museum or seen a play in the last two weeks, a little sleep will be good, too. This sleepy-bye time won’t be happening in “my own bed,” however. Traveling for three months has proven one irrefutable fact: my fourteen-year-old mattress has been giving me back trouble (for at least two years). Consider: I’ve slept on twenty-one different mattresses in three months – that’s about one mattress every week and a half – and NOT EVEN ONE OF THESE FOREIGN MATTRESSES has cursed me with the shoulder and lower-back trouble that my very own mattress doles out every single night. Time to get a new mattress! So yes, a new bed will be delivered within twenty-four hours of my arrival in New York City. I require a firm mattress. Lesson learned.

Travel gives one perspective…on one’s mattress, at the very least. Let’s consider what else “I’VE LEARNED ON MY SUMMER VACATION”

1. Buy a new mattress.

2. Roaming charges are real. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

3. Always treat your AirBnB hosts with the upmost respect and deference…until you write the final review of their accommodations, particularly if you’ve had a bad experience. The final review is the time for any and all excoriating remarks, if necessary. (19/20 good experiences though!)

4. On a related point, AirBnB customer service is non-existent. You’re on your own.

5. If you’re traveling for over two months in Europe, always print out your flight ticket home for the inspection of dubious immigration officers…particularly if you’re a self-employed writer.

6. Europeans (except for the Viennese) are quite friendly.

7. Irish people have the best accents on Planet Earth.

8. The Irish may also be the nicest people on Earth, but Spaniards give them a run for their money.

9. European WiFi is unpredictable.

10. In Europe, there’s a great likelihood that you’ll spend more money than you intended.

11. On a related point, get a “travel” credit card to avoid fees. (Good going, Sharon! Pat on back!)

12. Buying clothes in Rome and Madrid is A GREAT IDEA. You’ll be paying one-third the amount of money for more stylish togs than you would ever find in NYC.

13. That said, packing a multi-seasonal array of your favorite machine-washable clothes is an excellent way to prepare for a three-month vacation in different climates. (Go Sharon! Packing Genius!)

14. Don’t pack too much! Get accommodations with washer/dryers. (Another pat on the back!)

15. In Europe, clothes-dryers are rare beasts and worth their weight in gold.

16. Trying different cuisines is fun. Don’t be a weeny.

17. Maintain your sense of humor at all times.

18. If you do lose your sense of humor (and then lose your temper), remember that you’re probably leaving the country the next day, and nobody cares except you.

19. Cut carbohydrates from your diet (for at least three weeks) after visiting Rome.

20. Drink water. Keep hydrated.

21. Use sunscreen.

22. If a dependable local gives you an earnest piece of advice, ALWAYS follow that advice.

23. When traveling, take your time to awake each morning. Overnight, you’ll probably have forgotten where you are, which can be disorienting. If you jump out of bed upon waking, the bathroom (or dresser or stairs) may be in a totally different location than expected. Taking time to wake up saves on stubbed toes and bumped shins.

24. Traveling is a wondrous adventure.

25. Writing “Strange and Sundry” is even more fun. Thanks for reading! I may continue with a not-so-strange and not-so-sundry NYC version in due time.

Given the limited amount of time that I have in the Dublin airport due to its spotty Wifi (see lesson #9), I will be giving the briefest micro-reviews of the Vatican Museum, five fabulous plays in London, and six extraordinary art museums in Madrid and Toledo. Time permitting, I will try to review a few plays in Dublin, too. Away we go!

Musei Vaticani

All this time, you’ve been on the edge of your seat, wondering, “Did the super-special ticket that Sharon bought early one morning at the Vatican do miracles? WHY OH WHY has she taken so long to finish this hair-raising story?!? ARGH!!!!”

My apologies! I’ve been busy having a fabulous time in Europe! What can I say?

…YES!!! The super-special ticket was heavenly!

I am NOT EXAGERRATING when I say that I whizzed past approximately 700 hundred people as I trotted to the little “timed ticket” line at the entrance to Musei Vaticani. (I counted! 700-800!) So I saved at least two hours waiting in line, which is worth nine euros. Don’t you agree?

As I passed through the turnstile with no line whatsoever, the guard even gave me a little wink. I felt like I was in a Vatican-sponsored MENTOS COMMERICIAL! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfp2Bg6iUdY)

At this point, I’ve had the opportunity to visit most of the major museums in Europe: The Louvre, The Prado, The Belvedere, The National Gallery…HOORAY! Without doubt, the Musei Vaticani has THE LARGEST CROWDS of any museum. It’s such a spectacular collection, but you will not be able to linger over the most famous pieces. The crowd will sweep your body past the Raphael frescos and the Sistine Chapel. Be prepared to appreciate these masterpieces on the fly.

The Sistine Chapel (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sistine_Chapel_ceiling) really is the best thing ever – I was in constant danger of falling whilst craning my neck into the best position for optimal viewing. (Apparently, hapless visitors topple in the Sistine Chapel with some frequency.) However, the Vatican doesn’t allow photographs or speaking in the Chapel. No one really pays attention to these two basic rules, but I felt it best not to risk a Vatican guard (who are all burly Romans) tackling me to the ground over a photograph…not in a crowd of hundreds. In any case, photographs don’t do the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel any justice, as aptly demonstrated by watching “The Agony and the Ecstasy”( http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058886/).

As a result, here a few snaps of Raphael’s “School of Athens” and “Parnassus," which remind me of Columbia University's freshmen 101 philosophy and literature courses. Every philosopher or poet you'd need to know to sound really good a cocktail party (of pedants) is plastered on the wall by Raphael for your awe and inspection:

It’s not that there aren’t innumerable masterpieces in the Musei Vaticani. There are. Nevertheless, I’d still agree with the madding crowd by citing Michelangelo and Raphael as “best of show.”

London Theatre – Yes, the fall theatre season is better than the summer season…just like in New York City:

They Drink It in the Congo (https://www.almeida.co.uk/whats-on/they-drink-it-in-the-congo/12-aug-2016-1-oct-2016):
Not a great play, but an interesting play about ill-fated attempts by guilt-ridden Western do-gooders to interfere in a culture that they neither understand nor really respect on its own terms.

The Dover Road (http://www.jermynstreettheatre.co.uk/show/the-dover-road/):
Written by A. A. Milne of “Winnie the Pooh” fame. I had no idea that Milne had a dark sense of humor . . . or a playwriting career. How lucky was I to see a sparkling production of his lesser-known “greatest hit” that suggests that Milne had a gimlet eye for upper-class dandyism -- not a surprise considering his virulent criticism of P.G. Wodehouse (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A._A._Milne).

Travesties by Tom Stoppard (https://www.menierchocolatefactory.com/Online/default.asp?doWork::WScontent::loadArticle=Load&BOparam::WScontent::loadArticle::article_id=73D803FA-C2C4-4FCA-878F-4C3785FAC636&sessionlanguage=&SessionSecurity::linkName=):
For anyone who’s seen Rev.(http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1588221/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_9), you already know that Tom Hollander is a comic dynamo (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0390903/). Well, Hollander is the very best part of this clever Tom Stoppard revival, which might be described as a little twee otherwise. (When I tried to translate “twee” into French for the discerning Francophone dame sitting next to me, I ventured, “précieuse”(http://www.dictionary.com/browse/precieuse & https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Précieuses), and she nodded vigorously in agreement. I still feel terribly pleased with this translation of “twee” although it’s not necessarily precise.)

Whether the play be twee or précieuse (besides Tom Hollander who is divine (or divin, Fr. trans.)), I’m overwhelmingly delighted that I had the opportunity to see this production at the Menier Chocolate Factory in London. It was definitely worth the extra little London side-trip between Rome and Madrid. (Ha! And yes, I loved writing that last sentence!)

There’s little doubt that this production of “Travesties” will transfer to the West End, and I only hope that it also transfers to NYC so I can see it AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN. Hooray for Tom Hollander! Give this man an Olivier and a Tony, will you? Oh universe?

I was less happy when I ran into the actual, real-life, flesh-and-blood Tom Stoppard (playwright extraordinaire) after the performance (really), and he pretended to be deaf when I said (in amazement), “You’re Tom Stoppard, aren’t you?” I really should’ve thought of something wittier to say (I know), but I was rather surprised to run into Tom Stoppard. Who expects to run into Tom Stoppard? I honestly thought he lived in the super-celestial ether inaccessible to mere mortals…like the very mortal me.

From here on out, I’ve decided that I love Tom Hollander more than I love Tom Stoppard. So take that Tom Stoppard. Neener-neener. (Weary sigh of regret for not being infinitely cleverer at that most vital moment. Slap on forehead.)

However! I do feel that if I’d said, “You’re Oscar Wilde, aren’t you?” to Oscar Wilde towards the end of the nineteenth century, he would’ve been terribly kind and lovely in every way. I’m basing this conjecture on Rupert Everett’s recent portrayal of Oscar Wilde in “The Judas Kiss,” and we all know that it’s perfectly legitimate to develop an idea of a playwright’s personality over a hundred years after the fact when he’s being portrayed on stage by the infinitely charming Rupert Everett (http://www.bam.org/theater/2016/the-judas-kiss).

Needless to say, this theory (about the superiority of Oscar Wilde's charm to Tom Stoppard's supposed-charm) is impossible to test because there’s no way that an actor of Rupert Everett’s caliber and effervescence will be portraying the dour Tom Stoppard in a hundred years’ time. Humph. And really, is Tom Stoppard our latter-day Oscar Wilde…? Maybe.

(Another hefty sigh of regret for being so very stupid. If this trip has taught me anything, I’m much more conversant on the page than with any person in real-life, real-time. Once again, sigh!)

The Libertine (http://www.thelibertineonstage.com) :

As I watched the ultra-handsome Dominic Cooper play the eponymous “Libertine,” I decided that any experience that allows a person to watch Dominic Cooper do anything for two/three hours is probably worth a certain amount of tedium. Perhaps I’d rather watch Dominic Cooper paint walls in various shades of beige than sit through the ever-so-dull & why-in-the-world-do-producers-revive-it “The Libertine,” but what can one do? Apparently beige paint is harder to procure than one might think.

The Tempest(http://www.donmarwarehouse.com/whats-on/donmar-warehouse/donmar-kings-cross/2016/shakespeare-trilogy#7JUqLTtfJjbICsPz.97):
Before I left New York City this June, my fantastic friend Alyssa and I were conjecturing which actor might actually play Prospero to good effect. (Given my somewhat specific interest in Shakespeare, you’ve doubtlessly remarked that I’m rather lucky to have Alyssa as a friend!) After a bit of debate, we both sighed at the thought of how wonderful Harriet Walter would be in the role. We’d seen her play Brutus and Henry IV in Phyllida Lloyd’s all-female productions, and my oh my, wouldn’t Walter play a sublime Prospero?

Well guess what, FOR ONCE, the universe heard me, and Harriet Walter is playing Prospero. Yes. Prospero. Moreover, Harriet Walter’s playing the best Prospero that I’ve ever seen on stage or screen, and she’s already booked to bring this production of the “The Tempest,” one of my favorite Shakespeare plays, to St. Ann’s Warehouse in NYC this January/February (http://stannswarehouse.org/show/the-tempest/), and so I’m seeing it again. Alyssa already booked tickets! If you get to see this production, for goodness sake, SEE THIS PRODUCTION OF THE TEMPEST. Dame Harriet Walter is spectacular. Well, of course she is.

There you go! London theatre! And guess what? In the middle of writing this blog entry, I managed to book a ticket to the “it-sold-out-in-ten-minutes” (really) production of Othello, starring David Oyelowo and Daniel Craig at the New York Theater Workshop this January (http://www.nytw.org/show/othello/). Before all my New York friends rush to get my second ticket, I regret to say that I was unable to procure a second ticket. (CURSES!) It took the upper-limits of my eye-to-hand coordination (juggling the phone and computer) to buy ONE ticket, which probably means that I should’ve played even more video games as a child for this adult-world eventuality. However, the fact that I was able to purchase one of these much-coveted golden tickets just goes to show that New York City has SO MUCH to offer in terms of awesome Brits playing Shakespearean heavies.

In short, there are lots of reasons to be happy about my forthcoming homecoming…in addition to the fascinating chance to watch the increasingly heady evolution of the NYC SUPER RATS. It’s only a matter of time before the SUPER RATS develop speech and then acting ability. I daresay that a SUPER RAT may eventually be more convincing than Daniel Craig as Iago, yes? Think about it: Daniel Craig (aka James Bond) as Iago; SUPER RAT as Iago…see what I mean?

Argh! Seeing as they're calling my flight for boarding, there's nothing to do but let a few photographs "speak a thousand words" for the five museums that I visited in Madrid. I may update these photos with commentary later -- although that's doubtful considering that I'm expecting upwards of twenty boxes to unpack when I return home this evening -- but enjoy these photographs of my favorite pieces ... even if you can't appreciate my sparkling encomia of all things artsy. (BROWNIE POINTS FOR "STRANGE AND SUNDRY" READERS WHO CAN IDENTIFY WHICH ARTISTS PAINTED THE PIECES BELOW -- I MAY SEND YOU A CONGRATULATORY POSTCARD IF YOU GET ALL THE CORRECT ANSWERS!!! And don't "google it," cheaters!)

Museo Nacional del Prado